Love the cause, hate the consequence

Alarm set for seven, half two in the night. Now would be a really good time to sleep, but first I want to write this. Today have been one of the worst days in a long time, still is I guess. It all started yesterday evening, as usual without me having a clue as to why. Around 1 am or something, the blues set in. I went to bed at around 4:30, after laying awake staring at the ceiling for about half an hour before that. Today I woke up at some time, I ate some lunch around 13 or 14 I guess. If I hadn’t had lived at home, I would not have eaten any lunch. At 18 I got up and through the day I have done pretty much nothing. Played a bit of Guild Wars and watched one TV episode. My intentions was to read everything that I need for next weeks assignment, but I evidently did not do so.

This is also the first day in quite some time that I’ve been quite close to adding another scar to my body. The main reason why I haven’t is because it’s impractical. People annoy me a lot when they worry, so I rather have them not worried. I also like to be very honest, even when it’s not beneficial for me. Perhaps not really the correct reason for not cutting yourself, but any reason is better than no reason I guess.

So why do I then get in this state of melancholy? Well, I honestly don’t know. This time around it happened late night after an otherwise very nice day. Me and Miss Blue Sweater went to the cinema to see Slumdog Millionaire. I had already seen it once but Miss wanted to see it and I did not mind seeing it again as it’s very nice. After movies we walked up to a Italian restaurant and ate some nice pasta. Walked through half the town to where she lives. There we watched another movie, Lars and the real girl, which I did not fancy as much. It’s definitely a movie worth watching, it’s a bit slow though and it feels like there’s some magic ingredient missing to make it great. All in all I left her place shortly after 23 and headed for home. Had a very nice day with a very nice lady.

But when I got home, or some time after really it all went to crap. And it’s stayed crap since. I recall that I’ve had this reaction before. A few years ago I spoke a lot with a friend of mines friend. And back then I also got very depressed afterwards. So do I get sad from being happy? Well at least not only by being happy. I also get sad at random times for no apparent reason at all. It happens a bit fewer now than before, or I just have gotten used to it and lowered my sadness bar. This is of course also just two incidents and I can’t generalize from that, but if I indeed do get sad from being happy, it sure sucks.

Forgot the damn title again!

A little more than a month ago, I wrote that the pace had picked up considerable since previous semesters. Little did I know that it was still going at a slow pace back then. The last 3 weeks I have done little more than studying. I’ve been to my friend in Malmö one time in the last few weeks and I’m lagging way behind on pretty much every series I normally watch. Sure, I liked the increase pace cause it felt like time was used better, but now I really long for a free weekend, with nothing to read or write. The upcoming weekend, I don’t think there will be anything to write at least, but one book and 3 articles to read over that weekend, so doubt I’ll have much time over. At least the book will be in Swedish. It’s not that I don’t like to read English, I do like that quite a lot, it’s just that it still goes faster to read Swedish.

All this studying has a down side that I really don’t like. I don’t have time to develop any of my little scripts and applications. It feels like I got a todolist that’s just growing and growing without much at all getting removed from it these days. There’s so many nifty little functions I want to add, and things to fix and change, but I just don’t have the time these days. Most people are talking about partying the upcoming weekend when there’s just lots of reading to do. But nerdy me will probably stay at home and code a lot. Feels a bit stupid to be honest when people ask, as they always do, on the following Monday: “So, did anything fun in the weekend?”. The coding answer usually don’t fall into their fun category.

At least there have come something good of all this studying, I’ve gotten to spend more time with the gal who sometimes wears a blue sweater. Think she did last time I saw her as well. She’s a really nice girl, even though she thinks I’m neardy. I really don’t know where she gets that from! Either way, she’s nice to talk to, seems to have somewhat the same general sense of humor even though some of the things I find funny are to computer hardcore for her to understand (xkcd stuff for example). She was one of the partners I had for my group assignment in the previous course, so got to meet her quite often. So far just in university setting, but gotten to know her a bit at least.

Tomorrow at least something pleasant will happen, today I got a text from the postal serivce. My new phone (w902) is waiting for me to pick it up in town. So after university tomorrow (today) I’ll head up there, and I can hopefully put it to use on Thursday. There’s nothing majorly wrong with the phone I currently have, it’s just majorly annoying. The little joystick thingy to navigate the menus with is semi-broken. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. So when going through the contact list for example, you sometimes can’t go down, and sometimes you can’t go up. Left and right works better, but they’re also broken at times. I picked the w902 cause I’m so damn used to SE phones I didn’t consider getting anything else, and cause it’s a walkman phone but still got a pretty decent camera (same camera as in the c902). I’m quite sure I’ll be quite happy with it. Got the wine red model, which nobody had in the stores nearby, so had to order it online *sigh*.

Now, it’s past 3 am, I got university tomorrow (today) so things are still pretty much the same as usual. And as usual, time for sleep.