Alarm set for seven, half two in the night. Now would be a really good time to sleep, but first I want to write this. Today have been one of the worst days in a long time, still is I guess. It all started yesterday evening, as usual without me having a clue as to why. Around 1 am or something, the blues set in. I went to bed at around 4:30, after laying awake staring at the ceiling for about half an hour before that. Today I woke up at some time, I ate some lunch around 13 or 14 I guess. If I hadn’t had lived at home, I would not have eaten any lunch. At 18 I got up and through the day I have done pretty much nothing. Played a bit of Guild Wars and watched one TV episode. My intentions was to read everything that I need for next weeks assignment, but I evidently did not do so.
This is also the first day in quite some time that I’ve been quite close to adding another scar to my body. The main reason why I haven’t is because it’s impractical. People annoy me a lot when they worry, so I rather have them not worried. I also like to be very honest, even when it’s not beneficial for me. Perhaps not really the correct reason for not cutting yourself, but any reason is better than no reason I guess.
So why do I then get in this state of melancholy? Well, I honestly don’t know. This time around it happened late night after an otherwise very nice day. Me and Miss Blue Sweater went to the cinema to see Slumdog Millionaire. I had already seen it once but Miss wanted to see it and I did not mind seeing it again as it’s very nice. After movies we walked up to a Italian restaurant and ate some nice pasta. Walked through half the town to where she lives. There we watched another movie, Lars and the real girl, which I did not fancy as much. It’s definitely a movie worth watching, it’s a bit slow though and it feels like there’s some magic ingredient missing to make it great. All in all I left her place shortly after 23 and headed for home. Had a very nice day with a very nice lady.
But when I got home, or some time after really it all went to crap. And it’s stayed crap since. I recall that I’ve had this reaction before. A few years ago I spoke a lot with a friend of mines friend. And back then I also got very depressed afterwards. So do I get sad from being happy? Well at least not only by being happy. I also get sad at random times for no apparent reason at all. It happens a bit fewer now than before, or I just have gotten used to it and lowered my sadness bar. This is of course also just two incidents and I can’t generalize from that, but if I indeed do get sad from being happy, it sure sucks.