Finishing what’s started

About three weeks ago I went to my fathers place and took down most of an apple tree that he had for many years. It was located right at the corner of the house and only about ~60 centimeters away from the house. It has become so large now that he was afraid that it might affect the foundation of the house. It was a decorative tree called Spring Snow as it blooms intensively during the spring with white flowers. However, the bloom is fairly brief and this year father missed it totally when he was abroad.

I cut down all the leafy branches and what was remaining of the tree was the trunk and the larger branches that forms the base of the tree. I gathered quite a pile on his driveway with the intention to load it on Ingemar’s trailer and drive it to the dump with my father. My fathers car don’t have any towing hook so we’d have to borrow Ingemar’s work car as well. It however had a hick-up with the belt so it got postponed. My father was going to visit my sister in France leaving the following weekend so we discussed taking it to the dump during the week. When calling him later in the week he said that he didn’t feel he had time and energy to drive it to town so he would just drag it out in the forest that he lives next to instead. As it’s not my house, not my neighbour forest I just said “fine, do what you want” and let it be.

The day before yesterday I went out to my father again as my sister, with family, had arrived for her summer stay from Paris. The pile was still there in his driveway and had not been touched at all. This is not uncommon at all for my father, he starts something, or says he will finish something but rarely does. He got all sort of plans for all sort of things he has, the house and the garden but not much of it gets done. A good proof of this is the path leading up to the house that has been work in progress for the past 15 years. About five years ago he bought stones for it, while he was away on vacation me, Natalie and Ingemar did the plateau up by the house that the path will lead up to. He wasn’t entirely satisfied as he’s very picky so we don’t want to do the rest as you get complains instead of gratitude for helping out.

The two past days I took down the rest of the tree except for a stump, split and piled most of the wood. Me and Ingemar cut his two hedges and we loaded the old pile of tree branches as well as the freshly cut hedge pieces on his trailer.

I guess my father might notice how much I do for him when I get my own garden to work in instead.

Bad news

The last weekend me and Annie went up to my oldest sister for a visit. My main reason for going there was cause her oldest cat was put to sleep the Tuesday that just passed. Baileys, as the cat was named, has acquired the respectable age of 19 years and 2 months. That means that he’s been with us four years longer than my sisters daughter and since I was seven. It was time though, he couldn’t hear anything, hardly had any teeth left, lost fur in certain places and had started to fry because he was in pain.

Tuesday that passed brought some more bad news. My mother had an appointment at the Hospital for scan and chat with the doctor. The results was that one of her two larger tumors had started to grow again, 4 mm since the last scan. My mother is handling it very good and takes life as it comes at the moment.

It took a while to settle, but on the Friday I think it was, emotions overcame me. Suddenly death became so much more real. I had one of my worst days in a long time and cried for the first time in an even longer time. I feel that I need to visit my mother quite soon. Not for her sake or that she might be gone tomorrow, but for me to feel calm in her illness again.

This day must have sucked even more for my sister though.

Besides my mother being terminal ill and a long time companion passing to the after life I also feel a bit lost with life at the moment. At work I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been appointed architect for the multimedia area for this version of our software. I must say that it sometimes really feels like I got no idea what I’m doing. I don’t have any expertise and pretty much all the questions I get I don’t really know the answers for. But I guess that a large part of being architect is also giving suggestions, delegating and investigating.

After work I also feel a bit lost, I don’t quite know what to do with my time. There is several things that I could do and some things that I really should do (like getting myself a license to drive). I get stuck however, in doing nothing. I want to code, but I don’t do it. I want to watch all my movies and tv-episodes, but I don’t do it. I want to go out more and move around more to loose some weight, but I don’t do it. I want to go to driving classes and get a license, but I don’t do it.

I’m very happy that I have Annie, she’s a fixed point in an otherwise floating life. Her alarm just went of so I’ll go see her now, take care.