About two and a half weeks ago I went up to SöderÃ¥sens Nationalpark which is a nature reserve here in southern Sweden. It’s a ravine with a brook at the bottom of it. The area around is covered with mainly beech trees. I had the Friday of and it was nice weather so I decided to go take a long walk. If I recall correctly the path I choose ended up at 9.8 km or something similar. It’s not super long, but it’s quite rough terrain with two steep climbs.

I had an other reason beside going for a walk when going there though. It was the first time I went there alone and I have been wanting to do so since 2007 but never gotten around to it. I wanted to visit a special place of the trail called HjortsprÃ¥nget. It’s an outcrop of rock that stretches out in the ravine for about 8 meters. About halfway out it’s very narrow and only about half meter, with a birch growing on one side that you need to get round. Out at the end it opens up to a smallish platform.

In the post The lair from six years ago I wrote “I don’t want to take that step with them watching, so I think I’ll go there someday rather soon, alone. Sit on the edge, think, feel.” The step I refer to is of course the one of the cliff to a fall down to the rubble below. It would be a semi-certain death. So now I finally went there alone to sit on the edge, think and feel. It was quite a short process. My live have improved significantly over six years that has passed and it didn’t take seconds to decide that I do want to live. Instead I spent some time sitting there and reading on my kindle. It’s still a very nice place to sit at.

Included some pictures of the place, they don’t at all do it justice though. Not quite sure if that fence is to keep animals in or out. And definitely not sure which animals.


And the pace has slowed down a bit again. Not much, but a bit. The last 2 weeks we had a bunch of 2000 words assignments to do in pairs. One of them left for this Friday and then one individual 4000 words assignment for the next Friday. After that, it’s all vacation. In my dreams! Going to write my dissertation and somehow I today agreed to handing some stuff in the 3:rd of April, so will be quite busy up till then. After that it will at least be a bit more nice and quiet during the Easter week. The current professor we got in the last course is so boring you almost want to kill yourself during the lectures. But at least she’s fast. It is not uncommon that we finish before hours and we always get back what we hand in for the next class. Quite opposite to the previous course, which we still haven’t gotten back 7 of the 11 assignments we handed in. The last of them was handed in the 6:th of March, so it’s sure about time we get some back. I don’t quite recall when we handed in the first of the ones we haven’t got back, but it’s quite likely he’s breaking the regulations for grading at university level. There’s a rule that says they got 15 workdays to grade stuff, and I think that might have passed by now.

There’s this TV show, Breaking Bad, which I watched a few episodes of. I decided not to watch any more episodes as it’s not very good. It’s about this professor at high school who finds out he has a form of lung cancer that’s not treatable and is going to die within a few months or so. He does not tell his family about this until they find out later for some reason I can’t remember at the moment. Either way, it got me thinking. What if I knew I was going to bed dead in three months, would I tell my family, friend and so on.

After thinking about this I think I have reached a conclusion. If it were treatable, I’d probably tell family but not friends and I would do so as soon as possible. If it however was not treatable, I think I would not tell my family, I would not tell my friends but I might tell some of the people I know online which I’m at a greater distance from, both physically but also emotionally. Of course, dying isn’t something you can do without people noticing, so I guess I’d wait telling family until symptoms of whatever illness I might have stats to show. Even if there are no symptoms, I think I’d tell the people I care about when I have about 1 month left. Will be a sucky month for sure, but I guess it would be good for them to be prepared and so on. I do care a little bit after all I guess. There’s one person I would want to tell, but not sure she’d cope well with it.

Brings me to the other side of this, for those who have seen The Bucket List knows what I’m talking about. Things you want to do before you die. As I’m not a travelling person, and don’t really care much about seeing the world, there’s not so many things I want to do before I die. I guess my main concern is talking with some people about some things, both good and bad. I also think I’d become a more open person, what’s there to lose if I’m to die in a month or two anyway? This is a quite interesting thought though. Because I’m smart enough to realize that I’d probably like life more if I was more open to start with, guess I’m afraid of getting hurt or just realizing life is even worse than I originally thought. When it comes to earthly things, I don’t think there’s anything special I want to do at least.

Anyway, 4:15 now and I should really head to bed, there’s a day full of studying tomorrow as well!