It has been quite a long while since I last wrote anything here. I guess there are two main reasons for that. Firstly, Iâ€™m currently writing my dissertation, which is due in a few days. Secondly, I have been feeling quite a lot of well for the last month and I usually write most when I donâ€™t. Either way, this entry is long overdue.
Dissertation, a very boring thing to write. Iâ€™m writing about database management systems for geographical information system and the different criteria that affects the choice of which dbms to have. As I, as probably previously stated, attend the wrong institution, Iâ€™m not quite allowed to write about the things that I find really interesting. If I were to choose freely, I couldnâ€™t care less about the different criteria. I would find it interesting to compare the different dbms against each other, develop some sort of test suite for them based on the OGC specification and the ISO SQL/MM specification. But, not allowed to do such technical things.
Besides being boring to write, it takes a whole lot of time. As many of my online friends probably have noticed, I donâ€™t quite have time with the things I normally do. Iâ€™m still quite present on irc, but not as active anymore and I hardly done any development work lately. Today is the first day in quite a while that Iâ€™ve had time to actually do other stuff. Most of the dissertation is done and Iâ€™m now waiting for the one Iâ€™m writing it with to update the Conclusion.
If you have not yet written a dissertation and are forced, as we are, to write it in pairs, select your partner very carefully. I cannot stress this enough, having a partner you work well with is very important. I changed class in January as Iâ€™m skipping 2 semesters which Iâ€™ve already done so I hardly knew anyone in my new class. Thus I had to go with a partner for the dissertation that I did not know how it was to work with. The only thing I more or less knew was that she was interested in the more technical things. Later I found out that being interested does not mean the same as actually knowing much about it, Iâ€™ve been forced to help her with quite simple technical computer things, like using the cmd prompt. We donâ€™t match up at all, and I look forward to the day (in perhaps 3 weeks) when I never need to see her again.
Iâ€™m writing the dissertation at a company at least, so itâ€™s nice to have a switch of environment from the usual crappy university buildings. And speaking of companies, in 2 weeks time I start my summer work at Sony Ericsson. Something I rather look forward to. I was there last summer as well, but this time Iâ€™m going to be in with the developers and not the testers. Too bad itâ€™s going crap for Sony Ericsson at the moment, as I could really have liked continue working there in the fall. They are however laying of people and not hiring, so I guess Iâ€™ll have to look around for something else. Which I guess I will start doing as soon as I start at Sony Ericsson.
I also applied for a summer course in java for mobile devices. I did that way late though so itâ€™s unlikely I get to take it as Iâ€™m on the reserve list. If I do get to take it, itâ€™s full time over the duration of the summer. I only intend to go to the mandatory lectures though, and to the exam of course. As Iâ€™ll be working with the same thing I doubt Iâ€™ll need to actually go to the university to learn anything. Hopefully I can even use the work thing as the project in the class. But, unlikely that I get to take it.
Now to the second part. I have been feeling very well for the past month with only one or two drops and not very serious one. I credit a lot of that wellbeing to the girl in the blue sweater, these days also known as my girlfriend. As most of you probably know, itâ€™s been quite a few years since I last had a girlfriend, mainly due to my mental state. Either way, sheâ€™s very nice and Iâ€™m very happy to have her in my life. Sheâ€™s in my class now and also writing her dissertation, so not all bad things from changing class at least, this totally weighs up for the dysfunctional dissertation cooperation. We spend quite a lot of nights together, but not so many days. During days, both weekdays and during weekends, one or both of us usually need to study, which we donâ€™t do together as weâ€™re in different groups. In the last week for example, I arrived at her place at around 22:40 and left again at 8:20 or something. We do meet quite a lot, but a lot of that time weâ€™re sleeping. Or at least she is, I have trouble sleeping when with her, not used to it yet I guess and as I have trouble sleeping alone, having someone I care dearly about next to me does not make it easier. Today, depending on how you count and who you ask I guess, weâ€™ve been together for a month, which weâ€™ll celebrate by not meeting! Well, we might meet up tonight, nothing planned about it though.
Something that still amazes me, now that I am feeling better, is how fast that can change. About a week ago, I was at her place, had showered and while she was in the shower I just sat down doing nothing. And suddenly, without any reason at all, my mood dropped like a stone in the water. From being all good to being quite bad. As per usual, I had no idea why, and I did not want to worry her so I of course said nothing was wrong. Although Iâ€™m quite sure she saw through it but though it was for me to decide if I wanted to speak about it or not. Fortunately it did not stay very long that time. Still, it happened so very quickly and so very unexpectedly, which worries me a bit. [Correction: Was during her brushing her teeth etc., in the evening, I stayed the night!]
Being in a relationship with someone I like as much as her scares me a bit. It is not she that scares me, it is I who scare myself. I know, even though Iâ€™ve had a good month, that Iâ€™m still not quite alright. And Iâ€™m scared that I will hurt her quite badly when I some day hit a really bad low. Looking at history, what I do when I hit those is getting rid of people dear to me. Itâ€™s been a while since last, mainly cause I have not had many more people to get rid of, after all, Iâ€™m quite short stacked with friends. But thereâ€™s several people today that I wish I had treated differently. I so do hope she wonâ€™t be added to that list, and I fear that she might. At least she knows that Iâ€™m a bit fucked up so itâ€™s not something I need to hide and I guess sheâ€™ll show some understanding. Even though itâ€™s not something I feel she should need to show understanding for, no matter, sheâ€™s to be treated as she deserves and Iâ€™m totally certain she would not deserve that.
Itâ€™s time for sleep now, 2 am in the morning. I finally had some time to write, so there was a bit of an update a least. And by the way, I hate meetings!