Falsification

Falsification is the process in science of proving that a theory is incorrect by providing empirical proof that contradicts the theory. This Monday, I falsified my previous post! I yet again spent the evening with the same nice lady but this time there were no bad aftermaths. After I left her place, I sort of expected them, but as time passed I got more and more relieved when they didn’t show up. So I guess I’m left with the unknown reason for feeling like crap from time to time. I’m starting to get really fond of the blue sweatered girl, she’s nice to talk with, has a good sense of humour even if she does not always keep up with what I find interesting and thus funny. Being with her also feels quite demand free, which is really nice.

Today, I went to visit the law, which I probably not have written about in quite some time. She’s been busy, I’ve been busy and thus we have not had the time to meet up much lately. Today was kind of a disappointment. It felt very stale and uninteresting in general, and it does not seem we have that much in common to talk about. Her main interest seems to tell me about her life and especially the things that are a bit weirder, as if she’s seeking approval for still being accepted as normal or something.

Today was also the day the final assignment in the current course was to be handed in. The final lesson in the course is on Tuesday, a 1 hour seminar in smaller groups. As I have behaved well previously on the course, I only need 21 of the 70 points on this final assignment to pass the course. So I feel quite safe that I can put another course behind me, something that feels really good. Unfortunately, this does not mean it’s time for a bit of rest. The bachelor dissertation needs writing and looking at the schedule for the checkpoints and final seminar for it today, I got a bit worried about the time we have for it and getting all the pieces together. The next step for us to do is to decide what we really want to do and formulate a good problem around this. I think we quite agree about where our interest lies, but it needs to fit together with the schools demands as well. I see the most important part as getting a proper structure for working with it though, and I think the best way to get there is to start with proper 40 hours weeks at the office we were promised at the company where we’re conducting the research.

Tomorrow (today) I’m going to purchase a ticket to Sensation the 3:rd of July, so if you fancy meeting me, I’ll be there. It seems like I’m going alone this year. Last year I went with the law, which had both benefits and drawbacks. It’s nice to go with someone, but at the same time you don’t get to meet as much new people, which I really did the first time around when I went alone. Another drawback is also that you get bound to whoever you’re going with, if they’re not in the same mood as you about dancing and relaxing periods, it gets a bit annoying to have to adapt a bit. I had really nice company at Sensation in Copenhagen in November, unfortunately he can’t really afford a trip to Amsterdam this summer. Ticket release tomorrow is at 10:00, so I intend to get up at around 9:30 and fix some breakfast as I know by experience that it can take 1½ hour or more to actually be able to book a ticket.

Love the cause, hate the consequence

Alarm set for seven, half two in the night. Now would be a really good time to sleep, but first I want to write this. Today have been one of the worst days in a long time, still is I guess. It all started yesterday evening, as usual without me having a clue as to why. Around 1 am or something, the blues set in. I went to bed at around 4:30, after laying awake staring at the ceiling for about half an hour before that. Today I woke up at some time, I ate some lunch around 13 or 14 I guess. If I hadn’t had lived at home, I would not have eaten any lunch. At 18 I got up and through the day I have done pretty much nothing. Played a bit of Guild Wars and watched one TV episode. My intentions was to read everything that I need for next weeks assignment, but I evidently did not do so.

This is also the first day in quite some time that I’ve been quite close to adding another scar to my body. The main reason why I haven’t is because it’s impractical. People annoy me a lot when they worry, so I rather have them not worried. I also like to be very honest, even when it’s not beneficial for me. Perhaps not really the correct reason for not cutting yourself, but any reason is better than no reason I guess.

So why do I then get in this state of melancholy? Well, I honestly don’t know. This time around it happened late night after an otherwise very nice day. Me and Miss Blue Sweater went to the cinema to see Slumdog Millionaire. I had already seen it once but Miss wanted to see it and I did not mind seeing it again as it’s very nice. After movies we walked up to a Italian restaurant and ate some nice pasta. Walked through half the town to where she lives. There we watched another movie, Lars and the real girl, which I did not fancy as much. It’s definitely a movie worth watching, it’s a bit slow though and it feels like there’s some magic ingredient missing to make it great. All in all I left her place shortly after 23 and headed for home. Had a very nice day with a very nice lady.

But when I got home, or some time after really it all went to crap. And it’s stayed crap since. I recall that I’ve had this reaction before. A few years ago I spoke a lot with a friend of mines friend. And back then I also got very depressed afterwards. So do I get sad from being happy? Well at least not only by being happy. I also get sad at random times for no apparent reason at all. It happens a bit fewer now than before, or I just have gotten used to it and lowered my sadness bar. This is of course also just two incidents and I can’t generalize from that, but if I indeed do get sad from being happy, it sure sucks.

Delay

And the pace has slowed down a bit again. Not much, but a bit. The last 2 weeks we had a bunch of 2000 words assignments to do in pairs. One of them left for this Friday and then one individual 4000 words assignment for the next Friday. After that, it’s all vacation. In my dreams! Going to write my dissertation and somehow I today agreed to handing some stuff in the 3:rd of April, so will be quite busy up till then. After that it will at least be a bit more nice and quiet during the Easter week. The current professor we got in the last course is so boring you almost want to kill yourself during the lectures. But at least she’s fast. It is not uncommon that we finish before hours and we always get back what we hand in for the next class. Quite opposite to the previous course, which we still haven’t gotten back 7 of the 11 assignments we handed in. The last of them was handed in the 6:th of March, so it’s sure about time we get some back. I don’t quite recall when we handed in the first of the ones we haven’t got back, but it’s quite likely he’s breaking the regulations for grading at university level. There’s a rule that says they got 15 workdays to grade stuff, and I think that might have passed by now.

There’s this TV show, Breaking Bad, which I watched a few episodes of. I decided not to watch any more episodes as it’s not very good. It’s about this professor at high school who finds out he has a form of lung cancer that’s not treatable and is going to die within a few months or so. He does not tell his family about this until they find out later for some reason I can’t remember at the moment. Either way, it got me thinking. What if I knew I was going to bed dead in three months, would I tell my family, friend and so on.

After thinking about this I think I have reached a conclusion. If it were treatable, I’d probably tell family but not friends and I would do so as soon as possible. If it however was not treatable, I think I would not tell my family, I would not tell my friends but I might tell some of the people I know online which I’m at a greater distance from, both physically but also emotionally. Of course, dying isn’t something you can do without people noticing, so I guess I’d wait telling family until symptoms of whatever illness I might have stats to show. Even if there are no symptoms, I think I’d tell the people I care about when I have about 1 month left. Will be a sucky month for sure, but I guess it would be good for them to be prepared and so on. I do care a little bit after all I guess. There’s one person I would want to tell, but not sure she’d cope well with it.

Brings me to the other side of this, for those who have seen The Bucket List knows what I’m talking about. Things you want to do before you die. As I’m not a travelling person, and don’t really care much about seeing the world, there’s not so many things I want to do before I die. I guess my main concern is talking with some people about some things, both good and bad. I also think I’d become a more open person, what’s there to lose if I’m to die in a month or two anyway? This is a quite interesting thought though. Because I’m smart enough to realize that I’d probably like life more if I was more open to start with, guess I’m afraid of getting hurt or just realizing life is even worse than I originally thought. When it comes to earthly things, I don’t think there’s anything special I want to do at least.

Anyway, 4:15 now and I should really head to bed, there’s a day full of studying tomorrow as well!

Forgot the damn title again!

A little more than a month ago, I wrote that the pace had picked up considerable since previous semesters. Little did I know that it was still going at a slow pace back then. The last 3 weeks I have done little more than studying. I’ve been to my friend in Malmö one time in the last few weeks and I’m lagging way behind on pretty much every series I normally watch. Sure, I liked the increase pace cause it felt like time was used better, but now I really long for a free weekend, with nothing to read or write. The upcoming weekend, I don’t think there will be anything to write at least, but one book and 3 articles to read over that weekend, so doubt I’ll have much time over. At least the book will be in Swedish. It’s not that I don’t like to read English, I do like that quite a lot, it’s just that it still goes faster to read Swedish.

All this studying has a down side that I really don’t like. I don’t have time to develop any of my little scripts and applications. It feels like I got a todolist that’s just growing and growing without much at all getting removed from it these days. There’s so many nifty little functions I want to add, and things to fix and change, but I just don’t have the time these days. Most people are talking about partying the upcoming weekend when there’s just lots of reading to do. But nerdy me will probably stay at home and code a lot. Feels a bit stupid to be honest when people ask, as they always do, on the following Monday: “So, did anything fun in the weekend?”. The coding answer usually don’t fall into their fun category.

At least there have come something good of all this studying, I’ve gotten to spend more time with the gal who sometimes wears a blue sweater. Think she did last time I saw her as well. She’s a really nice girl, even though she thinks I’m neardy. I really don’t know where she gets that from! Either way, she’s nice to talk to, seems to have somewhat the same general sense of humor even though some of the things I find funny are to computer hardcore for her to understand (xkcd stuff for example). She was one of the partners I had for my group assignment in the previous course, so got to meet her quite often. So far just in university setting, but gotten to know her a bit at least.

Tomorrow at least something pleasant will happen, today I got a text from the postal serivce. My new phone (w902) is waiting for me to pick it up in town. So after university tomorrow (today) I’ll head up there, and I can hopefully put it to use on Thursday. There’s nothing majorly wrong with the phone I currently have, it’s just majorly annoying. The little joystick thingy to navigate the menus with is semi-broken. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. So when going through the contact list for example, you sometimes can’t go down, and sometimes you can’t go up. Left and right works better, but they’re also broken at times. I picked the w902 cause I’m so damn used to SE phones I didn’t consider getting anything else, and cause it’s a walkman phone but still got a pretty decent camera (same camera as in the c902). I’m quite sure I’ll be quite happy with it. Got the wine red model, which nobody had in the stores nearby, so had to order it online *sigh*.

Now, it’s past 3 am, I got university tomorrow (today) so things are still pretty much the same as usual. And as usual, time for sleep.