Irregular

The night before last, I had a dream about a girl who I was with a bit a few years ago. We lived, and still live, quite far from each other, so the whole thing was quite complicated and never really took of completely. Every now and then though, she comes to visit me in my dreams. This time she for some unknown reason came down to mine, or someone I lived with, in a city not too far south from here. I for some reason was expecting her, as I wasn’t surprised when she showed up. She also showed up in a manner that we had seen each other recently, just came in and sat down with the other people there. We then headed somewhere, north I think, but don’t recall where we were going. Over all quite uninteresting really ;)

When I dream, or rather when I recall my dreams, which isn’t very often, I more or less always dream of people. Both people I’ve met and people I’ve only spoken with on the net. I never dream about things, or situations like being chased or something. It’s always people, but what people vary a lot. It goes in the range of people who is or have been very close to me, to people I have never met and hardly speak with. Females seems to be a bit more common, or perhaps they’re just more memorable. But that wouldn’t be very strange as I have more contact with females than males during my awake hours aswell. I wonder if my mind is trying to tell me something.

At least I’m not seeing yellow dots everywhere and have to hide underneath the shelters.

What do you dream ?

Keep doing it

For some reason, I just keep doing it. So what is this that I do? Well, I pretty much always stay up way too long, or sleep to way too late. Staying up way too long becomes a problem as I sometimes have university to attend. And if I have stayed up way too long, I also like to sleep way too late. This, uhm, afternoon, I got up about 12:30. To get 7 hours of sleep, I had to be asleep by midnight. Falling asleep at midnight after a day that has been 11 and a half hours long is tricky business though. So I’m in the everlasting circle of being up too late and getting up too late, one contributing to the other. What I really need is some self dicipline to go up earlier even when I’m free. If I actually manage to do that, I’ll hopefully get tired earlier aswell and go sleep at a decent hour.

I don’t however like to go to bed very much in general, I tend to do stupid things last hour or so before going to bed. Things I really didn’t have to do right then and things that actually give me very litte satisfaction.

Anyway, it’s time to give it another go, even though I’m not that tired. Sleep well and dream of unicorns.

Goals

I quite like to visit my sister, the youngest of them. There’s so quiet and relaxing. I can’t say that it’s noicy at home either, but there I got direct control of what I am doing, when I’m here, I can just sit and do nothing at all without any worries. Currently I’m at her place waiting for guests to arrive. She’s going to have a minor birthday today, our grandfather isn’t too happy about loads of people so she invited just him over for today. Rest of the family will come aswell of course, except for sister abroad, but there will not be any other relatives.

Now that we had another exam in school I started to think a bit about goals. When we talk before / after exams, people usually say that they hope they’ll get an A or B, or that they’d be disappointed with C or D. Personally, I’m happy with anything that’s on the okay side of the grade. I don’t care much if I get an A or a D. And I don’t actually get happy cause I pass it, I get happy cause I didn’t fail it. Failing it would mean that I would have to write it again, and writing it again really sucks.

When I realised this, I started to think about how I look on other things in my liffe. I concluded that I don’t really have any goals in my life. I don’t strive to be somewhere in a year, five years or ten years. I don’t really care what I do, I just care a bit about I don’t do. I really don’t want to work in some shitty work that I don’t like at all. I guess that’s also the reason why I’m going to university in the first place. I do like to learn things, but there’s so much bullshit education crap at university.

So, not having goals, is that good or bad ? Well, I guess it is a bit of both good and bad. Carpe diem, do as I please, when I please and have very few things that must be done. But on the other hand, sometimes I get the feeling of the lack of meaning to things in everyday life. What’s the point of going to school, getting an education and in general caring about things. I might have these feelings a bit less often if I had goals in my life, but on the other hand, I think I’d just go what’s the points of my goals instead. I guess I’ll keep on doing what I do, and see what happens.

I know for a fact that I quite liked the job I had this summer. I didn’t like it a lot when I was there, I felt it would have been nice with some free time and so on, but now after it’s ended, I quite often miss it as it was a really nice distraction. As we had flexible working hours, during the summer I went in on a Sunday to work a bit and be free a bit more in the week instead. Not that I don’t like Sundays, but if I’m feeling crap, going to work and focusing on that is a really nice distraction. I guess the reason that it’s such a good distraction is cause I’m very strict when it comes to what I do at work. When I am at work, I work. No chatting, browsing, youtubing or other non work related things. I know many of my co-workers do stuff like that but I think it’s wrong to do it while someone is paying me to work. We’ll see where I might end up after education, which is supposed to end in June.

Another good thing that has happened is that I started to close down chat applications, both IRC and IMs. By doing this, I sit around doing nothing less. When chats are open, I can sit endlessly waiting for something interesting to happen. Now that I closed it though, I get bored after just a few minutes and instead I either watch something, code something or play a bit. I especially like that I code more, will shorten down my todo list a bit at least, it’s insanely long a the moment. As I get active instead of passive, I also feel quite a bit better as it feels less like wasting time.

Yesterday, I got a third aquarium in my room. Previously I had my main 240 liter tank and a ~135 liter tank that my father has fish and plants in. He has a ~300 liter tank that I had in my room when I was a kid. It started to leak though so got emptied and been empty for the last 12 years or so. We replaced the front glass on it about 3-4 years ago and tested, no leakage. Anyway, when he gets around to it, all the stuff in the 135 liter tank will move into the big one in the living room. Yesterday I added a ~55 liter tank for some kids I had in my main tank. I thought I had about ten of them, but turned out I had 14. Going to try to sell them but for now they get to live in their own tank as they were pestering my discus fish when they’re trying to breed. So if you want a pair of these, post me a comment.

Time for coffee and cakes now, later.

Edit @ 2008-11-25 02:21 -> Apparently I forgot to write a title on this post ^_^

Butterflies

Today I walked home from the train while it was snowing. Then, the ground was still too hot for the snow to lay on it just stuck to me and my coat instead. A few hours later, the snow started covering the ground in a white blanket and now we have about 5 centimeters. Winter has come early to my part of Sweden this year, we usually don’t get snow until late December if even then, must be the global warming.

About one and a half hour ago I finished watching a movie, the title is Le scaphandre et le papillon, or in English, The diving bell and the butterfly. This is a very weird translation, as the movie has nothing at all to do with butterflies. I think it’s a case of bad translation as there in the movie is an old style diving suite. You’ve probably seen the suite, usually in copper and brass and with a tube attached for air. So it’s more The diving helmet and the butterfly, guess that didn’t sound as well.

Either way, awesome movie, see it. It’s a biography about Jean-Dominique Bauby, he was editor of Elle when he had a stroke and became fully paralyzed. The only thing he could move was his left eye and he communicated through blinking with it. The movie is based upon a book that he dictated by blinking with his one good eye. Very touching movie and definitely worth your time.