I think this is the longest gap so far, not by intention or cause Iâ€™ve been down when I normally donâ€™t feel like writing much, I just been kind of occupied. First of all, I for some reason go to bed a bit earlier than I used to, often before 4 am instead of the usual 6-7 am. I donâ€™t really know why, but I guess the net just feels a bit empty that late. I used to stay for just the staying I guess, but no I go to bed, watch one or perhaps two episodes of friends and then sleep tight. I also have an easier time falling asleep.
Two days ago, I think, was â€œmidsommaraftonâ€ in Sweden. It is one of those â€œget really drunkâ€ days in Sweden, and unlike most years, I actually did something. Spent day and evening at home, eating midsummerish stuff and just hanging around like any other day I guess. The day before I heard from a friend in town that a friend in the village was hosting a party so I decided to check it out. Went over there at ten or so, met some people I havenâ€™t seen in a long time, played a bit of music, met some new faces. Either way, decided to go home and pick up something to drink and then go back. Had quite a nice time, got to talk a bit with the mate in townâ€™s new girlfriend who I hadnâ€™t met before and she seems like a really nice person. Unfortunately, it got a bit out of hand at 1:30 or so cause some dude decided that they didnâ€™t play enough of his kind of music (which imho, doesnâ€™t fit at a party like that anyway) and decided to make a fuzz about it. So party died at around 2 or so and everyone who didnâ€™t live nearby (like everyone more or less) had booked their taxi for 3. I hanged around quite late as I got walking distance, talked some more with people etc. Had quite a nice time at least.
My dearest friend has been gone for a few days now, as usual it feels empty, but at least Iâ€™m keeping myself somewhat occupied with things and try not to think too much about it. I donâ€™t quite know what it is about her that makes me like her so much, I never met her, and havenâ€™t spoken in audio with her for a very long time, not since before she became important to me really. I can speak with her for hours at least without getting tired of her, really like talking with her actually. She said she wouldnâ€™t read this blog anymore, she said she felt like she was doing something wrong by reading it, as parts is about her. Donâ€™t know if any of my other readers (if there are any more than 1 other) feel the same. But I write here knowing that the whole world can read it, so really, nothing wrong with reading it. I miss her a lot at least and hope she wonâ€™t stay away for too long.
For the last few months, or actually longer than that, Iâ€™ve been absent a bit and then present a bit. When going absent, my intentions have been to not return, but as I have little other stuff going on I kind of always do, so far at least. I however donâ€™t like it, I donâ€™t like ditching people online to then come back a few weeks later and start talking with them again, I either want to be there all the time or not at all. I started thinking about changing my online life quite a while ago but I decided to make a decision before the 20:th.
This time it would not be like usual, this time I intended to drop the stuff far away, and concentrate more on the stuff near me and especially people Iâ€™ve met. I do think, which means that I donâ€™t know, that it would be good for me to be a bit more active in a normal kind of life. I thought about it long and hard as I couldnâ€™t decide, it would involve quite a lot of people to be lost and not so sure that new ones would be found. Anyway, I decided to stay until I start proper school and possibly an on the side job in the fall. As I think my life is bound to change a bit then either way.
At the same time as I decided this, I sent a sms to one who I feel I havenâ€™t been treating well. I actually kind of have been avoiding her, not that I really wanted to but I didnâ€™t want to leave her again. Iâ€™ve known her for a bit more than a year now, but we probably only spoken about 20 days in that year. When we talk when sheâ€™s visiting another friend I have, but when we do talk, we usually talk a lot. In March sometime, I sent her and sms that I was going away cause I didnâ€™t like the online stuff, and I really didnâ€™t. I think that occasion have been the longest time Iâ€™ve been offline for many years. But I got online again, I did however not tell her and I asked our common friend to not tell her either. She never replied to the sms I sent a few days ago, so I donâ€™t know if she actually want to speak with me again, I feel like I have hurt her, or at least been â€œmeanâ€ towards her. And if she doesnâ€™t want to speak with me again I understand her, Iâ€™m not sure I would if I was her. Either way, I miss her, sheâ€™s a really nice girl, hope sheâ€™ll decide to talk with me next time sheâ€™s at the common friend, whenever that will be.
A while back I posted naiveÂ which is about this girl I met online. If I recall correctly, too lazy to check it, I wrote that I would give her one more chance. Iâ€™m glad that I did as I still speak with her. She asks a bit now and then, not really deeply about it. But she in general stays away from that topic and has become quite pleasant to speak with. Sheâ€™s not online very often though so not all that deep talking, but nice at least. So remember that people, a second chance.
I think there might be some weirdness with me saying the same thing twice above, but Iâ€™m really too tired to read through it :)